Anger Management

Get Constructive, Keep Anger at Arm’s Length

Listing irritants & delights is a must and equally important is discussing them with those around you

PRIYA KUMAR

    In today’s times of exceeding professional pressures from office and home, it would require super human emotional control not to lose your cool when things don’t go as expected. “I am so irritable at work that now being angry and impatient has become a part of my nature. I hate it,” one participant complained to me at the end of the workshop. “How do I remain calm and graceful when my team delivers mediocre results despite my repeated attempts to correct them? How can I not get angry when they do the opposite of what was promised, or they do the work badly, or they don’t do it all?” He was at his wits end with his failing attempt at anger management. I know one thing for a fact that no one likes to get angry. Even the person who is angry, really doesn’t want to be. Anger causes a lot of pain physically and emotionally when it does surface. If you find yourself angry, then you are already too late for anger management. Here are some tips that I have found useful in my life to not only keep one’s cool, but also to protect one’s image as a leader.
 
LIST THINGS THAT TICK YOU OFF Often people discover what gets them angry when they actually get angry. Step back. Think about all the instances that provoked the devil in you and list them. “I get angry when people forget their responsibilities and pretend that they didn’t know about it.” “I get angry when people delay projects and don’t even bother to inform me in advance about it.” “I get angry when I have to keep repeating the same instructions and enforcing them.” Just making a list of these danger zones provides a great relief. Then one can ‘see’ the problem rationally before handling it irrationally when angry.
 
STRATEGISE TO KEEP ANGER IN CONTROL Once you know what makes you angry, let it be known. It would be reasonable to tell your colleagues about it. “This is your area of responsibility. We are both professionals and I would not like to constantly remind you or check on you for it. In case there is a delay, let me know well in advance so that I can look for other options to keep the client calm. I lose my cool when people don’t take ownership and I have to leave my
    job to make sure that they are on theirs. Let’s work together as a team so we all are happy.” It is very important that people know what will get them in trouble with you. If they know it, then if they still goof up, they ‘expect’ your outburst. So they don’t behave like victims and make you the villain.
 
LIST THINGS THAT DELIGHT YOU It is equally important that you let people know how to win your heart. “I like people who are punctual.” “I like people who deliver projects on time and with excellence.” “I like people who are creative and committed.” You need to see both sides of your expectations. It is a relief to know that you do have a pleasant and rational edge to your personality and that needs to be broadcasted.
 
REWARD HELPFUL BEHAVIOUR Make it known to your team and colleagues on how they can get in your good books. If they know it, then they can do their work with that awareness. Make sure that when things are done in accordance with the excellence that you expect that you empower them with the same intensity with which you would have reprimanded them. Holding a position of leadership does not mean that you become a saint and never get angry. It only means that you are expected to strike a healthy cord between empowering people and reprimanding them. When you turn your anger into something constructive, you won’t lose respect even when you do lose your cool.
 
The author is CEO / chief facilitator of PKTS